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I was lucky in that this was only a fiancée not a wife of 23 years and we had no kids. I believe you're right in that she doesn't understand there can/should be other passions than her. my ex-F. always questioned me about going kayaking and "enjoying kayaking and being with my friends more than her" (she was right .... bad relationship) but I gave up kayaking for a couple years for her. When I got back into kayaking ( the weekend we broke up ) I felt like I was released from prison! I had the fortune to meet my soul mate through kayaking (in my avatar) and now we both share a passion for the same sport and have a great time together and apart. (though we'd rather be together).
I wish you the very best with what you're going through and I hope you wife can find a passion of her own so she can understand our side of the equation. Of course, keep those kids FIRST in your life.
Good luck,
Larry S.
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