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Too many times, too. There have been two occasions when I *knew* I should run a rapid, in fact conditions for one of them were perfect and never get any better than they were that day, and I'd told that to others in my group while upstream of it, but... I portaged. Later I regretted it. Usually I don't sweat walking a rapid, but those two times happened during a period where my head was REALLY messing with me. I'd get to a creek I'd run before, maybe even one of my favorite creeks, but then chicken out of running stuff.
Why did that happen? I think there were several reasons, but mainly they had to do with much less time on the water than in previous years, lack of good playboating where I live (which keeps my roll good and keeps me comfortable in my boat) and not having a creekboat I felt bomber in. Once I got a creeker that I really love, that helped A LOT. Also, maybe it was just a bad phase, hard to say.
What have I learned from it? I've learned that I'm a pretty good judge of my own skills, and I can trust my ability to assess a rapid and the line I should take. I've learned that unless I look at a rapid and think "over my head", or unless I'm really having a bad day on the river, I should listen to that little voice in my head that says "Don't be a dumbass, there's a line there that you know you can hit, so man up and do it" even if I have a lot of trepidation. I am still learning to tell the difference between fear that protects me and fear that does nothing more than hold me back, prevents me from living up to my potential as a boater, and keeps me from doing what I love most.
Dunno if that helps but that's kinda how I've been feeling lately, just didn't put into words til now. Don't worry, I think most people have to deal with fear in some way or another if they paddle long enough, later if not sooner.
Jill |
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I completely understand where you're coming from, except that I let my fear get the better of me in the past. New 
BoaterTalk 
